I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
