I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
