Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
