hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
