Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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