How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
