i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
