How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's never too late to be topless.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
