All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
