Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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