Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
