If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
