the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
