Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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