My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
