But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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