Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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