ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
