bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sext me about skeletons
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
