Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
