She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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