I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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