quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
