my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
