sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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