you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
