I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
