Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
