Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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