How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
