grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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