i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was like getting head from an anaconda
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
