If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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