Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
