operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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