im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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