If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
why is half of my head shaved?
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