Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
