For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
