found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think people are normalizing furries
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
