what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
