just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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