They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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