Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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