I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
