if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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