yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my poor anus
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
