I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
