this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
