We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
