Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
