i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
